Jun 9

Jun 9 depression, you're not alone.

This is me dressed as a cat in college. This is also me extremely depressed.

I didn’t understand why all of my passions suddenly meant nothing to me.
I didn’t understand why my love for Zack had turned to complete indifference, I guess, I thought maybe we just weren’t right for each other.
I didn’t understand why it was so difficult to be motivated (to move, to eat, to open my eyes in the morning.)

I didn’t want to kill myself, but I didn’t want to live either.

I was reckless, I gave no value to my life or my future, in fact, I couldn’t really see one.

There can be a cause for depression, but there can also be a simple chemical imbalance in your brain. You don’t need a reason to be depressed; it can just be..

Would you call a diabetic weak for using insulin? They have a chemical imbalance too.

I don’t understand why antidepressants are so taboo.
They’re helping someone stay alive.

Do you look at diabetics differently because they are constantly fighting a struggle against their own body? No.

There’s a stigma. Whether it’s external lack of empathy or an internal battle.

It took one of my childhood friends, who had the most sparkling vibrant soul, jumping off a bridge, for me to realize... I’m sick, and my parents don’t know that I don’t want to keep going. And if I do stop living, they would have never had the opportunity to help.

So I told them I wasn't OK. I found the motivation to see a counselor. She specialized in male eating disorders, her name is Joy (fitting.) I was a female who had anxiety driven depression and a rape survivor and I was her first real client after her doctorate. She cried during our sessions, I never did, but it gave me hope that one day I’d feel enough to cry about it too.

It took a year until I really felt again. That was three years ago.

I’m glad I’m out, I’m glad I’ve learned how to see signs of depression, I’m glad I went to Zack asking him to be a part of my life again.

I have so much joy and peace in my life now. ❤

If you want to be better, but you don’t know how. Reach out. You’re not alone. Yes, it’s hard, but it’s worth it.

Plus everyone should see a counselor, we’re all f’n crazy.

Depression doesn’t look like any one thing, don’t assume you know someone’s story.

#mentalhealthawareness #suicideprevention #endthestigma #thisisreallife